The Ad Whisperer

The three monotheistic religions of the world all posit that God is an all-seeing deity that interjects Himself into the affairs of man for his divine purposes. This interjection can be called “miraculous” or it might simply be invisible to us as Adam Smith’s  “invisible hand” of commerce succinctly defined how self-interest actually helps society as a whole as regards to economics. This “eye-in-the-sky” God is posited as looking down upon us, keeping notes, and eventually doling out our just rewards for everything from unrepentant sin to holding the wrong beliefs, no matter what our behavior in life actually is.

For centuries, humans have held that religion contains the answers for a more peaceful world. But recent research is demonstrating the opposite, that the least religious countries are also the “happiest”, based on several factors such as crime etc.

Fundamentalists will say “They’re not really happy, it’s Satan’s trick to make them think they are happy while they are on their way to hell in a handbasket”. So be it. But for those of us free from dogma should take a good look at these studies. We may learn that life, when freed from the rules of cosmic handbooks, may be just, fair and compassionate on its own.

Crows

Originally uploaded by David Paul Hanson

Totally made up scene. What the heck. I had the elements.

I learned alot of things growing up Lutheran. I learned these things because I was forced to go to Bible School, one week after getting out of regular school. And these things I learned came back to haunt me with a vengeance when I reached the “age of understanding”. Let’s start with a simple one first. “God is love.” Sounds good to me. But oops….go back to the old testament and you learn about a chick that was told not to look at a city that was being smoted (smited?) by God himself, which would be quite hard to not sneak a peek at, and lo and behold, God smote her by way of turning her into a pillar of salt. Now, maybe I’m just not gettin’ it, but if “God is love”, then what is so loving about smiting a chick who just couldn’t resist taking a peek? I mean really. Did He have to turn her into a salt block for disobeying that teeny tiny little bit? Oh, you say, He was making an example of her. Ok, example made. I was terrified to screw up in the tinest way. “God is love”, for me, turned emotionally into, “God loves me as long as I don’t screw up even one teenie tiny little bit.”

Let’s now jump ahead, or is it backwards, to the Ten Commandments. I like the first one the best; “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Now maybe I’m the only one who reads it this way, but I think it says that God is just one of many gods and he knows it, but we only better worship Him and not the others. Ok, call me literal, but I’m just sayin.

“Honor thy father and mother”. My father was a jerk. Ok, I’ll go to hell for that but I mean it. Mean sucker.

Which brings me to heaven and hell itself. How the heck does “God is love” fit into that scheme of things. Oh..I get it. He IS love if you love him back. If we don’t love him back we get, unfortunately, smote and sent to the pit. SInce when does love motivated by fear get anything done with a positive bent?

The next one for today is another one of my favorites; the crucifixion. Now, I do believe Jesus of Nazereth was crucified, which was a common form of execution in those days. but the, to me, ridiculous part is that the “God who is love” needed a blood sacrifice so we can be forgiven for our sins. Huh? Now really. I mean this was at a time when the earth was flat, and the center of the universe. Weather was freaky and not uderstood and the best they could come up with was killing sheep and other critters to appease a pissed off weather god. But really, a God who demands a blood sacrifice? We humans don’t even demand blood for stuff like stealing cars, which by the way, is worse than sneaking a peek at an entire city being smoted. In the Bible’s case, everyone is short of perfect so we deserve to die. Huh? I know I’m not perfect but I haven’t killed anyone, raped or pillaged.

Yes, God is love. But that’s just as long as you pony up. See, this free will thing, the choice He gave us to love him or not, is not really a choice. In other pieces I have called Christianity the Hobson’s Choice of religions. A Hobson’s Choice is no choice at all. Actually I think it’s a very schizophrenic exercise in corporate (meaning the church) control.

And finally; God is love. But he’s also says He is a jealous god. Jealousy is one of our baser emotions. So God is jealous? And He’s love? Huh? I need a nap.

I remember about a year ago when Madonna played at a festival to promote the cause of stopping Gorebal Warming. When she hit the state she yelled into the mic, “If you want to save the earth, I want you to jump up and down.” I felt this was fitting metaphor for the entire movement. So here’s what gets me: For one thing, the earth doesn’t need saving. If we kill ourselves off, the earth will be just fine in about 25,000 years, which, in galactical time, is but a few seconds. And now there is the swine flu pandemic about to reak havoc with the “earth”. I live in Fargo, North Dakota, which recently got international attention because our local river, the Red, overflowed its banks, like it does every year. We have known that the Red River floods almost every year and always has. But, people still build on the thing. And the it floods, again, it’s a crisis of biblical proportions. Indeed, this year the flood was blamed by some local fundamental fruitcakes on our having an abortion clinic in town. God’s wrath. To me it seems odd that God whacked the people living along the river whether they have had or condone abortions or not. Apparently this God does not have a very good aim or is just sort of sloppy in dealing out his smiting. But, I digress.

I can’t help but be opinionated about marketing campaigns that, in my humble opinion, just don’t make the mark. Recently a bank in my town created a large billboard and print campaign with the headline “Bundle Up”. I, as well as anyone else I asked about it, had no clue what that meant. So I went to the website and clicked on the “Bundle Up” icon and out popped up some listed things like “Have teenagers?”. I clicked on that link and the site downloaded a white PDF with a listing of the “products” that I should get if I had teenagers. No incentive, no reason, no benefit. So here we have a case where internal “bank speak” such as “bundling” of products and services leaks out all over the public mass media and confuses everyone as to what the heck it means. I mean really, why in the world would I “buy” a bundle? What’s in it for me. The basics of marketing violated on every billboard. Just plain silly marketing.